Every so often I’ll get an e-mail from someone (usually an old friend I’ve lost touch with who stumbles across my blog through Facebook) that goes a little something like this:
“Holy shit, Sarah! YOU’RE doing WHAT?! You’re WHERE?! This is something I’d only dream of doing and you’re living it. How did you save? How did you plan? I’d love to do it too, but I’m too scared of what would happen if I left my [insert friends, job, family, significant other, etc. here]. I need you to tell me everything so I can live vicariously through you. E-mail me ASAP!”
For all the questions they have for me, I have one simple one for them. If it’s something you dream of doing, why choose to live vicariously through me instead of actually doing it yourself?
If you want it to happen, only YOU can make it happen.
Don’t get me wrong. I was scared, too. The last days leading up to my departure were some of the most intensely terrifying and emotionally trying days I’ve ever had, resulting in tears, arguments and second thoughts. However, three months on the road later and I can’t imagine where I’d be had I not made the jump.
My initial jump was more of a push when I suddenly found myself, less than a year into the working world, laid off and collecting unemployment. Granted, I was unhappy in my job and already had set plans to quit in just three more months, but getting laid off sucks no matter the situation. I was jaded for a while and a generally miserable person to be around, but it eventually gave me the motivation to put my real desires into gear.
Between the months where I lost my job and left for Southeast Asia, I worked my ass off to save up as much money as possible. I reached my target goal, mapped out my travels and planned meticulously for past, present and future. I worked four odd jobs — camp counselor, receptionist, consultant, full-time babysitter for three different families — to reach the amount of money I felt I needed to sustain this lifestyle. I gave up weekend nights out at the bar and my favorite pastime (live music and concerts) to babysit, collecting money rather than blowing it. New jobs, relationships and graduate school were all put on an indefinite hold as my dreams became a reality.
A couple weeks ago, friend and blogger Sean Ogle over at Location180.com played devil’s advocate in a blog post titled, Quit Your Job, Love Your Life to an interesting post from Matt Cheuvront on Life Without Pants about the “now now now” generation. It has since brought in some really interesting comments and a follow-up post from Sean within the last few days garnering equally as interesting dialogue. A commenter suggested his lifestyle was arrogant and unrealistic for the future, to whereas Sean said at the most he could see naïve, but even that’s stretching it.
I don’t see either arrogant or naïve, but rather two words that at first glance will seemingly contradict one another, but essentially go hand-in-hand: selfish and opportunistic.
Did I just call Sean selfish? Kind of, but so am I, so hear me out.
You have to be a bit selfish to accomplish your goals. Doing what you want may be hard in the beginning, but I would argue that’s exactly what your 20s are for. If you’re selfish you’re more likely to take advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, bettering your life (and often the lives of those around you or those to come around you) in the long run. The actions I take now will affect my future in the way I see fit. Our selfishness also makes us opportunists. By making big moves we’re taking life by the reins and steering for ourselves.
If I hadn’t made the decision to pack my bags and circle Southeast Asia I wouldn’t have half of the opportunities and experiences I have now. I just saw Angkor Wat! More importantly, this blog wouldn’t exist. Neither would my travel column over at The Advocate. Over the next week I’ll be searching for an apartment in Bangkok and settling alongside some of the brightest minds I’ve encountered yet. I’ll be taking a TEFL course for certification and I have a couple of part time freelance writing jobs lined up tailored toward life in Southeast Asia to help make my desires a lifestyle.
Try and tell me I had those opportunities waiting for me at a new desk job…
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Food for thought…If your father and I were selfish and opportunistic, where would you be today?….
Am I included in this list of “some of the brightest minds” you’ve ever met? haha. So sooon!
With all due respect to your parents, why not do it now? In 2 years of travel around the world, I’ve seen many people in their late 30s and 40s who – weighted down by the regret of their prior decisions – fled it all to travel, leaving a heavy load of responsiblities behind. If you have the luxury to be able to leave at your age, it’s actually more responsible to acknowledge and fulfill these desires than to let them fester and then resent not having pursued them later on in life. That resentment can be extraordinarily destructive.
I worked for 6 years to save up for this trip, and though some friends and family weren’t supportive of my choice initially, they’ve all been swayed by the obvious happiness in my prose and on my face. Of course you want to be close to the people you love, and who love you too, but it’s also important to look back and feel vindicated by your choices. I know this trip has broadened my existence in a myriad of ways – both professionally (though being a lawyer was interesting, it clearly wasn’t for me) and personally (by virtue of the people I have met, the incredible beauty I have seen and the ability to appreciate all the millions of tiny things that make life that much more fun).
It sounds like you knew what would propel you along your path toward greater happiness, and that the decision has already proven to be the right one. Congrats!
Hi Sarah,
I wholly support you and your adventures. I think the world would be a better place if everyone could travel and experience other cultures. Savor every moment of your time. We each only get one lifetime to fulfill our dreams.
Peace,
Bev
Sarah, congratulations on mustering the courage to follow your dreams and take that big leap into the abyss. I wish i had had your courage at your age. Reap the rewards and enjoy. I do want to say though that I don’t see it as selfish. You are not shirking your responsibilities you are choosing them. Opportunistic? Maybe, but it has such a negative connotation that i hesitate – perhaps just industrious? After all to be opportunistic means to take advantage of opportunity and isn’t that why everyone is always telling us to open that door when it knocks? Have fun and stay safe.
Every long term traveler has had the same thoughts of fear before taking off and listening to unsupportive family and friends. Selfish is good.
Being resentful of the people around you because you lived your life according to what they think it should be is the most ridiculous thing anyone can do.
As I said in a recent blog post, shut out all the haters and live your life on your own terms. You will NEVER please everyone and trying to please everyone around you is the quickest way to a miserable life.
Is it just me, or do the nay-sayers actually drive you to work harder at reaching your goals? My parents are absolutely gobsmacked when I tell them I’d give up a cushy job and all the benefits if I could go travel. People like you are my inspiration!
@Lisa – Ooh, industrious! That’s a good one I hadn’t thought of. Thanks for the new adjective!
@brian – I tend to believe everyone is a bit selfish, even the selfless. There’s always that one driving force that pushes an individual to reach toward a goal or desire. As I said in my post, acting on those “selfish” desires has opened doors and will continue to change me (and I tend to think it’s for the better!).
@Candice – Thank you, but I hardly see myself as an inspiration! One of the best parts of my travels has been meeting all the people from the travel/lifestyle design blogging niche that were an inspiration to me. I’m constantly amazed by the things they’re doing and the places they’re seeing. It’s incredibly eye-opening and has me continually reassessing my travel goals for both the short and long term. Get your butt out here!
Nice info Sarah. Thank you for sharing.