Over the last few weeks, I’ve been grappling with the fact that my end date for this journey was rapidly approaching. The end was drawing nearer and nearer until it was finally within sight, and to put it lightly, I haven’t been handling it so well. I’m torn between my desire to keep traveling and taking in everything the world has to offer and feeling the pangs of financial strains, being a little burnt out and even a bit of loneliness.
When I first booked my flight to Thailand, I did so on a one-way ticket. I promised myself, “No matter what, you’re coming back with a certain amount of money.” I stashed away $4,000 as my return funds, to help me get my feet on the ground quicker, which left me with about $11,000 to spend on my trip including flights, gear and insurance. I’ve worked a bit on my way around Southeast Asia and the Middle East — with my weekly travel column for the Stamford Advocate and a freelance SEO job — but nevertheless, money always becomes an issue.
Putting the money issue aside, since leaving Bangkok I’ve been feeling kind of burnt out. The same energy I started with six months ago is not what it used to be and I find myself going through the motions of travel, rather than looking forward to being up bright and early every day taking in every possible site. I still love what I’m doing, but eventually living out of a backpack (a poorly designed one at that) takes its toll. I’d never want to keep traveling because it’s what I think I should be doing, rather than know I should.
In keeping with my promise, I booked a flight home today. At 5:30 a.m. on June 30, I arrive at JFK airport back in New York…
…I booked this less than 10 minutes ago.
I’m kind of a mess right now. I feel every emotion under the sun. I’m relieved that I’m keeping in line with my budget and not letting greediness get the best of me. It will make coming home easier, and of course I’m incredibly anxious to see my friends and family again (my visit from Dad in Jerusalem made me very keenly aware of this). But at the same time, I feel like I’m giving up on the dream, though deep down I know this isn’t the end of traveling for me. This isn’t my “once in a lifetime journey,” but rather the first of MANY “once in a lifetime journeys.” The past six months have given me more fervor to get out, work my ass off again and embark on the next trip and the following and the ones that may come after that.
In the immediate though, if I’ve learned one thing about myself, it’s that my best and worst personality trait are one in the same: I’m never satisfied.
It makes me work harder than ever to achieve my goals and prove to myself that I can have the best when I work for it. But in the meantime, nothing is ever good enough. I never feel completely satisfied in the moment and constantly struggle with decision-making and “grass is always greener” syndrome. I feel it in my work, in relationships and most recently, in travel.
I anticipate some major culture shock and even homesickness for abroad when I come home, that leaves me unsure of what to expect. It will certainly be a readjustment from living the nomadic lifestyle, but I plan to embrace it and live in the moment as I’ve learned to do over the past six months. I’ll write about the places and things I did not have the opportunity to blog about while on the road. I’ll relentlessly look for more work in journalism while planning my next move. And I’ll enjoy my summer back in New York, which is still one of my favorite cities.
In the meantime, for my last two and a half weeks, I’ll be going on a whirlwind tour of Eilat and Jordan, maybe sprinkled with some Egyptian pyramids somewhere in between.
Twitter Updates
See you soon darlinggg!!!!! It’s possible I might be on vacation when you get home (obviously my luck) but I have a travel opportunity for you: How about a one month vacation at my home this summer? =)
I know how you feel in this precise moment – I also left on a one-way and then had to make the choice to actually pick a date – good luck and happiness on your last couple of weeks on the road!
Finally!! 3 months into the season and I still haven’t been to a single Mets game. We’re changing that when you get home!
I really love your blog and have been a keen follower of it since I discovered it a few months ago when I started planning my RTW. Will you be continuing your blog when you return to New York?
@Briana – A Long Island getaway in the Samuels household is imminent upon my return. Can’t wait!
@ShannonOD – Thanks so much for the warm wishes, much appreciated. I still feel a bit all over the place, but it’s much easier knowing I can take solace in the fact that travel is most definitely not a one-shot deal for me.
@Broski – Your comment has made the prospect of coming home that much easier. Nothing sounds better than a Mets game with my favorite brother.
@Kimberley – Thanks so much for reading! I definitely plan to continue working on my blog when I’m back home. It’ll definitely take a new shape that I haven’t quite figured out yet, but it’ll also give me the chance to write more about the things I didn’t why traveling, in retrospect of course. When is your RTW set for? Send me an e-mail, I’d love to hear more!
Wow! Didn’t realize you were so near the end of your trip. Can’t wait to meet up in Cairo. See you soon!
@Adam – Up until four or so days ago, I didn’t know I was so near the end of my trip. Decided to pass on Europa for the time being, but more on that when I catch you this week. Looking forward to it!
So this means I have to put all your borrowed clothes/jewelry back. Just kidding, can’t wait for you to come home…at least for now.
Hello Sarah,
So it seems your trip is coming to an end, huh? Yeah, mine, too. I’ve been following along with your blog here and there, as well as a couple other travel blogs, over the last seven months that I’ve been traveling. Check mine out if you get a chance.
Oh, the wide-eyed, naive travelers that we once were, huh? So much changes over the months as we go along, things simply are not the same as they were before we left. I’ve stuck mostly around Europe this time, but, like you, plan on going back home, making some more money, and heading right back out. Not sure how Nomadic Matt is doing it, but making money while traveling is actually a lot more difficult than I would have thought!
Best of luck in the last few weeks – I get back to Houston on the 29th, and like you, I can’t wait, but, at the same time, don’t want to go back, either. The dichotomies of travel..
Brian
Better to go and come back then never to leave. Been following your blog, mainly as a lurker. Safe trip home Sarah.
Sarah, I have just watched Merle’s amazing video which led me to your facebook page which led me to the TOP 10 blogs, so thought I’d check it out (congrats btw).
I fell upon this article and can’t believe today is the day of your arrival home!!
WOW, after all the time together and apart…I am kinda envious. It will be hard but enjoy seeing everyone and as you say, work hard and you’ll get back out here!
Miss you and I hope to see you in New York in January, thats if you haven’t set off again! xxxxx
Great personal article. When things are looking dicey back at home and it looks like I may have to cut my trip short, I cringe. At the same time, 7 months in and I need (and am taking) a bit of a break. When I’m not being WOWed by Angkor Wat like I probably should, I figure I need a recharge of my travel batteries.